Media Entrepreneur Mr Olaoluwa popularly known as Ogbeni La talks on Same or Separate Rooms As Married Couples and the implications.
If I were a dedicated relationship coach or writer, I bet I’d be better known on this space by now. But I always try to avoid writing on relationship because in the real sense, there are no ideals. The best relationship advice is to understand yourself. That’s the only cocksure way to know how to handle issues as related to you and another being in whatever kind of relationship. You understand yourself enough to do what will make you happy and progressive. You understand yourself to know the slack you can cut that won’t affect your development. Rather than churning out textbook advice to independent adults, I’d rather help them to discover who they are and what they want with their lives. Moreover, I am unmarried. I don’t want married people to sneer at me and say, “shebi e go soon reash your turn, we go see how your theories go apply for practical ”
Sorry I digressed.
After poring through over 300 comments on my post asking for people’s views about same or separate rooms as married couple, I have decided not to write my intended longer essay about the issue. My motivation before now was to decry some people’s penchant for lording their views over others. But I think I can still achieve that while I sum up perceptions about the issue as gleaned from my earlier post.
There seem to be a general consensus that if it is affordable, a couple should have more than a room. It is what happens in the spare room that appears to be bone of contention. Is it for the woman? Is it for the man? Can we knack there? Is it for his study or her makeup kits?
Most people especially women that prefer same room with their partners curiously want to have another room for their belongings. They don’t agree this is wanting separate room. Or they pretend this is not the same as wanting a separate room. Nine out of ten of women don’t want the husband to keep a spare room for study or his “belongings” even if they both share one already. It is either women don’t just trust men or they are biological created to have their cakes and eat it.
There is a strong argument by the proponent of staying in one room that is vital as I try to summarize the views from my questionnaire post. It is believed that couples that sleep together in the same room have better chances of resolving dispute faster than those with separate rooms. The close proximity in bed will not give either a chance to fester what can be resolved amicably together in bed.
While this is noteworthy, my earlier advice still suffice. Like I wrote earlier, we need to understand ourselves. We all have different ways of resolving issues even within ourselves that is different from resolving issues with our partners. Just like we all have different healing process from heartbreaks. So saying, it is not abnormal for someone who likes to recoil to their spaces when unhappy or unsure to want a complete temporary detachment during a dispute. We all need a clear head devoid of subjectivity and undue pressure to make informed decisions beneficiary to our ourselves in such circumstances. If you think that will happen amid someone groping your body, happy delusion.
Truth is, how much of one’s individuality should remain after agreeing to spend the rest of their lives with another person as couple will continue to be a debate. Whether you are taking separate rooms or same room, what is more important is to talk these things out with your prospective partners without prejudice. Even when your choices defer, you can meet each other halfway. Marriage is about compromise and Love is beyond who keeps an extra room for study or makeup kits.
My dad is the fashionista in our house. He is also one of the most organized person I’ve ever met in my life. This is in sharp contrast to my mum. If mum never had her own room where she does as she likes except sleep over frequently, I’m sure my dad would have lost his sanity by now
So fam, do what is best for you. Or like someone said, keep as many rooms as long as it is only the one you both share that has a bed.